Chief inspector of candlelit porches
Pumpkind
He audits lanterns, collects biscuits, and pardons suspicious leaf piles.
Porch patrol after dusk◆Biscuits filed by crunch◆Lantern grins inspected nightly◆Leaf piles need permits◆Doorbells ring only once◆Skeleton staff remain seasonal◆Costume complaints gently denied◆Kindness closes every file◆Porch patrol after dusk◆Biscuits filed by crunch◆Lantern grins inspected nightly◆Leaf piles need permits◆Doorbells ring only once◆Skeleton staff remain seasonal◆Costume complaints gently denied◆Kindness closes every file◆
The Night Shift
Pumpkind inspects every glowing porch, then forgives all biscuit-related irregularities.
Standing Order
A dark doorstep improves immediately when the treat jar bears a proper label.
Known Particulars
- Ticker
- $PUMPK, accepted wherever porch lights remain responsibly illuminated after dusk.
- Breed
- Long-eared hound with excellent hearing and selective doorbell enforcement.
- Uniform
- One plush pumpkin hood, green stem upright, ruffle fully operational.
- Jurisdiction
- Every decorated doorstep between supper and the final porch light.
- Preferred evidence
- Whole biscuits, plainly presented, with crumbs retained for filing.
- Shift ends
- Only after the last lantern cools and every skeleton is accounted for.
Porch Conduct
Inspect every lantern
A crooked grin still qualifies as dependable working order.
Count each biscuit twice
Crumbs become official paperwork precisely at the stroke of midnight.
Pardon suspicious leaf piles
Most are wind-related and lack serious criminal intent.
Respect seasonal skeletons
They work short contracts and startle more easily than expected.
Leave every door kinder
One patient wag is the minimum acceptable neighborhood improvement.
Keep one porch light on for Pumpkind.